What will be, will be

Last night I sat contemplating life, where I am and where I’m going. I was awake past 4am tossing and turning in bed, trying to push the worries that kept slipping in my mind away, but nothing would budge. I wrote a letter thinking that would help, when in fact it made things worse. The situation I was in last night was that I don’t want to leave where I am at the moment, I love the people I’m with, feel comfortable in my surroundings and got people looking out for me, so why would I want to leave? The reason is, is that work here is limited at the moment. While I’m at the top of the list and Paula at the hostel is doing all she can to help me out, yesterday I started to think maybe I was wasting my time here, maybe I was being naïve. But today I woke up with the intention to sort my life out, and already, it feels as if it’s sorting itself out for me. Ok, I still don’t have a job, but the next few weeks are sorted, I have a direction to head in and something to distract my mind. Who knows if a job will come up after, its one of those things and a risk I will have to take. Before coming travelling, everything in my mind life was pretty certain, whereas travelling is completely different. Right now, I’m in minus money, scrapping by but I’m happy. I never thought I’d see the day – I’m so money focused normally its crazy how different traveling has changed my outlook on things. While it’s hard to travel without money, it’s not impossible. What everyone has told me recently is that I need to do what I want, what I love and the rest will sort itself out. I may be here for ages, maybe even several months, who knows, but as long as I’m happy it shouldn’t matter. Right now, I’m not in a rush to go anywhere or do anything. I’m happy where I am and in time, that will probably change, but right now I need to follow my gut instinct and stay put – after all, what have I got to lose?

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