All one rollercoaster

In the words of Passenger “You only hate the road when you’re missing home”. It’s been over five weeks now since I left home, and those five weeks have been amazing, don’t get me wrong. I’ve seen some incredible places, experienced things I never knew were possible and had great company along the way, but as with everything, there comes a time when you question what you’re doing and where you’re heading.

The past few days have been harder than the rest. It’s a mixture between missing home, Alex leaving and being nervous about what is to come. I’m spending the next couple of weeks in Adelaide, in 40 degree temperature, something which normally I’d be hugely excited about – Vineyards, sun, sea, – I mean, it sounds like heaven right? While part of me is excited to see what Adelaide has to offer, I’m also dreading having Christmas away from my family.

I’m a family person, always have been always will be. I love them all to pieces and I love the yearly routine when it comes to Christmas day. I love waking my sisters, heading to my parents room, eating our full English breakfast and orange juice, sitting around in the living room opening presents, before spending the rest of the day with my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins – it may seem repetitive to some, but it’s the repetition that I love. No matter how old I get, Christmas is still the same, it still takes you back to being a kid, reminds you how great it is to spend time with family, and then the joy you get from eating Christmas dinner is out of this world. I keep telling myself that Christmas doesn’t exist this year, and that’s what I’m going to keep telling myself until the day has been and gone because to me, it doesn’t exist. Christmas is a day you spend with family and loved ones, where you sit round together, laughing, talking, enjoying each other’s company.

I’m nervous about Christmas, but I’m also nervous about what the next few weeks will entail. The spontaneity of travelling is both a positive and negative. It’s great to wake up each day and plan as you go, its exciting, but then you get days where you sit there and think, what am I doing with my life? How did I end up here, with no job, money quickly disappearing, and no one around me to talk to? It’s those days that you miss home, that you’re mind starts racing, panicking to find an answer when there never is an answer. It’s something we can never answer, as it’s just a way of life, a way of life that will always find a way through. My mind has been racing to find a job, to get myself sorted for February to have a plan. I’ve been searching for anything and everything hoping to find a way, stressing myself out about it all, but what I’ve learnt from it, is that it really isn’t worth stressing about. Everything will work out in the end, everything will fall into place if it really is meant to be and those that care about you will be there for you no matter what.

For me, Alex has been my rock the past few weeks. I know I don’t normally talk about people in my life, more happenings than individuals but I owe a lot to this man. He has got me through a lot, slowed me down when I’ve been racing, calmed me down when I’ve been stressed, cheered me up when I’ve been crying and given me so much support. Thanks to him I’ve been able to get through my hardest days and fallen asleep happy.

Someone must be looking out for me. Everything has been naturally falling into place for me recently, today included. Yes I was nervous about today, boarding a flight to Adelaide made everything seem so real. Made me realise just how far away I am to anyone and everyone, but after a very kind couple got in contact with me, offering me a job and home, things are beginning to look up! I’ve got something else to look forward to, but not only that, my money worries will hopefully be no more, and I will once again be able to relax.

The next couple of weeks will be non-stop; I can already feel it, which makes me both apprehensive and excited. I’m excited because of the places I will be seeing, and experiences I will be having, but nervous at how I will feel over Christmas and New Year. But that being said, in just over a week it’ll be Christmas, then new years, and then Auckland all in a few weeks! It’s crazy how quick time flies, but in the mean time, what I can take from everything I’ve felt these past few days is that everything really does work out if it’s meant to. Things will fall into place and nothing is worth worrying about if you have no control over it. In the mean time, I’ve got to enjoy myself, my surroundings, and adventures and in time, everything will work out I’m sure – just got to stay positive.

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