New hello’s, old goodbye’s

Its amazing how many places there are to visit right on your doorstep. From parks, nature reserves and ruins, to nearby cities, towns and villages. I spent last Sunday on Bournemouth beach with Chantelle. While it wasn’t the hottest day, far from it really as were definitely in autumn now, it was still a lovely day out. We also spent the day wondering around the oceanarium which was great fun! From penguins and fish, to turtles and sharks, we had a great day and I even brought a ‘grow your own crystals’ set – so what could be better?

I visited the city with my dad once but that was only to see the university, with the only other stop off being McDonald’s, so I hadn’t really been before. We spent the day walking along the water front, being blown away by the wind. From talking about our week, to work, to boys, to travelling, walking whilst talking somehow allows you to be more open in what you have to see, whether its because your mind is distracted by what’s going on around you, or because walking relaxes the body, I don’t know, but it is a great way to free the mind. It was a great way to realise that all the worries I’ve had about leaving, she has as well.

My biggest fear about leaving is the thought of losing relationships I’ve built up over the years. I blocked it out myself without realising but it was only when my dad said to me the other day that I remembered. When I was younger I wasn’t very good at sticking up for myself,I’d let people walk over me. I didn’t know at the time, but my parents were worried about me, hoping I’d find a friend who I would be happy to spend my time with. I’ve always loved my own company more than that of others. Not out of selfishness, but because the way I saw it was that you can’t let yourself down, you can’t be anything but honest to yourself, making everything easier, but now that has changed. There are people I speak to everyday, those that come to mind often, and those I cannot imagine living without. Which makes leaving all the harder. I want to see the world, it will be such an amazing experience and what better time to do it than now, I just don’t want to lose the relationships I love so dearly.

With only seven weeks left in England, things seem to be getting harder and time seems to be passing quicker. There are so many places i want to go to before I leave, people I want to visit, but I don’t like the thought of that being the last time I do. I don’t like goodbyes, knowing it’ll only be for a few days let alone months. It’s horrible to think life will carry on without me, people will continue to live their days, but I won’t be there to support them or share the experiences.

I’m sure once I’ve left, things will be easier but until then, each day just seems to be getting harder, and the goodbyes are forever breaking my heart over and over again.


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