I honestly cannot believe its the end of the year. It’s literally flown by! It has been a weird year, but one that I have learnt a lot from.
Firstly, if you had told me a year ago that I would be celebrating Christmas and New Years without Tristan, and that he would be on the other side of the world, I would have honestly laughed in your face. Like I’ve said a million times, I’m ever so proud of him, but without him here, it’s made this festive period weird to say the least. This time last year we were a couple – weird to think that now, it seems so long ago – I wouldn’t have imagined us apart, let alone on opposite sides of the planet. But that said, it really has shown me that he truly is my best friend. No matter what we’ve been through, he is always there for me, even on the other side of the world. It’s hard to keep in contact with people, that I will admit, but I do still class him as my best friend.
Talking of friends, I know I’ve not been a great one this year. There are a lot of people I would like to thank for being there for me, but there are also a lot of people I would like to apologise to.
I really haven’t been the friend I should have been to Zoe and Char. They were my best friends through college, even went on our first girly holiday together. But I’ve let them down recently. It’s been a hard year – but that doesn’t change the fact that I haven’t treated them as well as I should have. I’ve let them down, and not put in as much effort as I should have. I do miss them both so much. They are both amazing, inspirational, beautiful people and I wish them all the best in life, I just hope they can forgive me for my recent behaviour. I want to be more of a friend to them. They’ve been there for me for years now, it’s time I was there for them.
Then there is Alex. I’ve known Alex for what feels like a lifetime. He’s one of the few people who I can not see for months on end but can then spill my heart and problems out to and not feel judged or uncomfortable. He is always there when I need him. Whether rain or shine. In the blink of an eye he would bend over backwards to make me happy, and I truly am sorry for not doing the same. It’s hard being at uni most the year – but I need to make more time for those at home too. I would never want to lose him as a friend – he means too much to me.
Chantelle is another friend from home who I love spending time with! We were best friends throughout school, went to different colleges, but are still great friends now. While we don’t see each other a lot, when we do, it’s just like it used to be. We can sit and talk for hours, about mostly rubbish, but I don’t get bored or struggle for conversation. I honestly love her to pieces. She is one of those truly magnificent people who will just sit with you for how ever long you need and just listen – a friend everyone needs in their life.
Another friend that has recently come back into my life is Rachael. We were friends at infant and junior school, but didn’t speak much after that, but recently we started talking again. She really is an amazing person to be around. She is always happy and positive and can make just about anyone laugh. She really is an amazing person to be around and I am so happy to have her back in my life.
There are always those special people in your life that you want to hold onto, those that you have been friends with for years, and they always seem to be the friendships that you never expected to happen. But that said, I don’t want to lose any of these people from my life next year, and really hope I do try all I can to keep them a part of it.
I’ve realised since leaving school, it’s not how many friends you have, it’s what they meant to you that counts. My younger cousin said the other day that he’s scared of leaving school. Scared because he knows its going to be the best time of his life, and most of all, he doesn’t want to loose the friends he has made. I remember thinking the same when I left school. I would give anything to be at school again, it was so easy and carefree. But what I do like about leaving school is the realisation of who your friends are. There are so many people who when leaving school I was upset about never seeing again, and as horrible as it sounds, its something you get used to. College wasn’t as bad. When leaving there, there weren’t many people I felt truly upset about missing. Obviously there are a few, but not as many as you think there would be. I don’t mean this in a horrible way, it’s just that you learn to realise that everyone moves on, and while people do drift apart, there are memories still there. Whether you still talk to people from school, work, college, or not, they helped make who you are today, and the memories you shared with them will stay with you forever. Everyone moves on, just make sure that the lessons you learnt stick with you.
Being at university has allowed me to meet so many new people, each of whom, have shown me new interests in life.
I spent the whole summer with my friend Luke. Again, if you had told me this time last year that I would spend the summer with him, I wouldn’t have believed you. He taught me how to fish, shoot, horse ride, but most of all, he taught me how to be me. I used to love being myself and just love being in my own company. I never was much of a crowd person. When I joined uni, I tried to change that. University is a social life and you feel like you have to be a part of everything. However, I truly cannot thank Luke enough for the summer. He reintroduced me to my hobbies and interests and encouraged me to continue to enjoy them. I got parts of me back, parts that I really did miss. Although we don’t talk much, he really does mean a lot to me. He is one of the rare people who I have told pretty much everything to. I’ve told him all my likes and dislikes, shared hobbies with him, just acted myself. I really hope I don’t lose contact with him this year. I cannot thank him enough for all he has taught me. I am so proud to call him my friend.
Another friend I’ve met very recently is Emilio. I’ve only really got to know him the past month or so, but I’m so glad I did. He’s so dedicated and committed to being himself something I’m both envious and proud of. He has taught me not to hide my interests but to be proud of them because they make me who I am. While I haven’t known him long, I already feel close to him, as though I’ve known him years.
The past year I’ve become more and more interested in the world that we live in. I’ve always had an interest in science and nature, and spirituality but I’ve never had anyone to share it with. I met Danny over a year ago now, while I was in a very drunken state at the time – I’m glad I did meet him. Like I said, I’ve always had an interest in life – but I’ve never met anyone I can share it with and talk to about it. I can literally send him anything, and although he might wind me up about being weird from time to time, I know that he does genuinely have an interest in it. I can sit for hours listening to speeches people make about their lives, about our lives and not get bored. I’m forever interested and curious about the world we live in, and it’s great to have a friend that I can share it with. Since being at uni, he is one of the few people I feel comfortable explaining my life to, the main reason being, he doesn’t judge. He is very open-minded and really is an inspiration to me.
Then there are those I live with. This time last year I was living at home but planning to move into a house with friends. I’ve now been living with them for four months and I’ve learnt a lot in this time. As you can probably tell in previous posts, the people I live with mean a lot to me. I love them all so much, they really are my second family. It’s been a hard year. Things have changed to what they used to be, honestly, I don’t know why, if I did – I would try in an instant to change it. We were all so close and comfortable, and like I said earlier I know people change, so I understand that sometimes there is nothing I can do about it, but I just wish that in this case I could.
I miss the closeness I had with AC. He literally means the world to me. He really is like a brother to me, while we do wind each other up, we are there for each other 24-7. I miss him a lot, I miss being able to just talk to him and not have a care in the world.
Then there’s Zenko. As I’ve said before, he really is an inspiration to me and I would love to be like him. He is his own person, does what he wants, and see’s everything. I would love to be as brave and happy as he is and be able to follow my dreams.
I also live with Jose. I didn’t really know Jose that well before second year, but I love him to pieces now. If I’m ever upset I know that I can go to him and be cheered up in an instant. He always makes me smile, and always there for me if I need him.
I also live with Jane. I don’t even know where to begin. She really is a beautiful person inside and out. We were so close this time last year, saying that, even two months ago we were inseparable but now we barely talk. Again, I don’t know why and don’t understand why, but I would give anything to have it back the way it used to be. I miss her so much. We would talk about anything and everything. She was the one person I felt I could go to with any problem, she really was my world. I would do anything for Jane because honestly, she still means so much to me. I don’t like the idea of us not being that close anymore, but understand that I need to take her feelings into account too. If I could change anything from this year, it would be for us to be friends again. I miss her so much.
I would love for things in the house to be the way they used to be. For us to all get along again and for there to not be any tension. I don’t know if things will change, but I for one hope they do. New years are for new starts, and I hope that it can be a new start for us all because I miss them all so much, and would hate to lose any of them.
Then there is Natalie. Honestly, words cannot begin to describe how much she means to me. I’ve been best friends with her now for over a year but I honestly feel like its been a lifetime. I love her to pieces and will do anything and everything to make her happy. I’m never sad when I’m with her, and there is no-one I would rather spend the rest of my life with. She means so much to me. I couldn’t even dream of not living with her, let alone think about what life will be like after uni. I feel so lucky to have her in my life, and so lucky to have her as my best friend. I really do love her and would never want to lose her.
Like I said earlier, this year has made me realise it’s not how many friends you have, it’s what they mean to you. I’ve realised recently just what each of these people have meant to me throughout the year, and how much they have taught me. Without them I wouldn’t be who I am today, and I just hope that I can spend the next year with them still in my life.