Sudden realisation

It’s been one of those days today. I woke up feeling great, but I’m going to bed feeling rubbish. But on the upside, it’s made me realise just what I’ve got, and made me appreciate the people around me.

I’ve got coursework due in next week and I haven’t done it. Not because I’m lazy, but because it has all fallen through. I had a main idea and a back up, but both no longer stand for reasons that can’t be adjusted. So I’ve come up with an alternative.

Admittedly I got stressed. Stressed beyond belief, but I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t.

I know what I hand in wont be great, I know I have no excuse, but I just really want to do well.

Today wasn’t a great day, for a number of reasons. But at the same time, it was another stepping stone to success.

I stopped myself, thought about what I was doing, and prevented things from occurring – vague I know, but it means a lot to me.

I realised just how much support I have around me. Take my best friend Natalie for example. We do the same course, and while at times that proves competitive, it’s also very helpful. We’re there for each other through everything – home, uni, friendship, work – you name it, we’ve discussed it. We both stressed out today, but if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here right now. I owe so much to her and her determination. I really do look up to her.

I also realised the amount of support I have from my family. I found out recently that members of my family read my blog (sorry if you’re reading this). At first, I was shocked, and it made me not want to write any more, but now I’ve changed my mind. My blog is where I open up about myself, about my life. I don’t confide my problems in people, so I guess this is their only way of knowing what is going on. Anyway, today I realised just how much they are there for me. I called them in desperate need of help, while it was only over coursework, they were all more than happy to help. If I ever need them, they really are only a phone call away. Going home today also made me realise that I do miss home. Recently I’ve been home a lot because being at uni just hasn’t felt right, and in all honesty I can’t wait for Christmas! I just want to live at home now. Living with friends is great, but it’s just not a great lifestyle.

I’ve also realised just how great it is to have a counsellor. This is something I don’t share with people. Even I thought it was a bad thing to have but it’s really not. They truly are great. Without them, I wouldn’t still be at uni, and I wouldn’t be sorting my life out. Admittedly today was another drop in the line, but it can always pick back up again. I always moan to myself about how I have to attend appointments each week, but today, I’m looking forward to my next one. I want to talk to someone about my problems today. I want to explain how I fought against them. How I got to where I am.

I truly do have the most amazing people around me.

It took a while for me to realise this, but I hope now I can cherish them and make the most out of a bad situation.

Here’s to tomorrow?

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. aaa says:

    If you don’t mind me asking what is it about the councellor you find so helpful when you talk to them in contrast to if you were to talk to someone else for example? I’m only asking this because I went councelling once – i missed my last ever deadline (cost me a 2.1 as well in my final degree classification) i was having a truly awful time, going insane pretty much, binging on alcohol, smoking, crying, getting angry for no reason, staring out the window for days on end, you name it, it was all falling apart.

    I got nagged to go councelling by what was then my gf (it was her way of telling me to go get help elsewhere, not from her). I felt guilty I had to go in the first place, also I didn’t really feel like pouring all my problems out to a complete stranger. After all, all it is to them it’s just an everyday job, they have no emotional attachment to you, would they really care what happens to you? Also a lot of the things the councillor said were things like “have you tried this approach”, “what about trying to…” which is great, but they were all things I have previously found on google, as they related to different theories and resolution techniques, but in the end it just felt like the councillor was going through the motions.

    I got assigned one of the head councillors, she was clearly great at her job, she knew I felt all that above mentioned, she read my mind – in the end she just said “there is a possibility that you may just have to adapt to it and just learn to live with it, depending on the seriousness”. Which in a way I understand, but I left feeling like I haven’t achieved anything by going there, (apart from an ECF letter she gave me for the c/w) and in fact I started to think maybe I’m beyond repair?

    I have another friend who said that when she went councelling it actually made it worse – it bought back bad memories of something she thought she got over and she wished she never went in the end.

    I’m not knocking councelling at all, the councellors do a great job, and it clearly worked for you but I just don’t think it’s for everyone, because I’ve never met anyone where councelling worked for them. Have I missed something, did I just go with the wrong approach?

    Sorry for the incredibly long comment, and sorry for not being man enough to put my real name instead of “aaa”. Keep up the good work, it really is a good read, and I am in no way a fan of blogs usually (something about your writing style maybe that makes me read it? Who knows haha).

    πŸ™‚ x

    1. No need to apologise about the length – I love it when people ask questions about what I write, it gives me the satisfaction that someone somewhere is reading it. As for not being man enough – don’t worry, honestly! I’m not one to judge anyway, but it took me so long to be open about my thoughts, beliefs and feelings. At first this was just private, then I had to make it public for my course. It was scary at first and I didn’t want to do it, but it’s helped now. Like I said – I’ve found out my family read it and while that still does scare me, it’s a sense of reassurance that I don’t have to personally say what is going on. My blog kind of works as the middle man for me.

      As for counselling. I totally get what you mean about it just being a job. At first I was totally against going, I didn’t want to turn up to my first appointment. Mostly because I had no idea what they knew about me, what they would say, or what would be discussed. But it wasn’t as bad as I thought, and didn’t feel formal at all, more just a chat.

      As time has gone on (it’s only been five months now that I’ve been seeing a counsellor) it really has helped.

      I still dread going, not because I don’t like it, but because I feel like it’s a waste of my time. But yesterday, I realised that while it is just their job to listen, it helps me to open up.

      I’ve tried to talk to friends about things, but it just gets shrugged off, or they panic. It’s nice to be able to say things, not be judged for it, and for them to just listen.

      While they don’t give me much advice just that they want me to stay in control and not to over do things, it’s a realisation for me of what is happening. It allows me to hear what I’m saying. It’s kind of like me talking to me as opposed to someone else?

      I like that they have no personal attachment to me. There are things I keep from them, like I don’t say anything about personal relationships or anything like that – that’s not why I was told to see a counsellor. For academic purposes they are great.

      I wouldn’t be able to see a counsellor over personal issues. I find it hard enough to talk to someone I’ve known years about these things, let alone someone I’ve just met.

      It’s just nice to be able to express all my academic worries and have reassurance that it really isn’t the end of the world. Not even close!

      I’m going to also apologise for the length of that reply, went a bit of target there (trying to avoid writing coursework!) Thank you though for reading my blog, it means a lot! Take care!

      (: x

      1. aaa says:

        That’s a great reply. I think there’s a great difference about seeing a councillor about academic issues rather than something like mental illness for example. If i bump into you around uni i’ll be happy to say it’s me, i just don’t want the internet and the world to know if you catch my drift πŸ™‚ good luck with your essay! πŸ™‚ x

      2. Yeah definitely – I know for a fact I couldn’t see someone about personal or mental issues. Would never be able to express it to someone without the fear of judgement. As for who you are, I’m certainly intrigued now! Haha But yeah I know what you mean! Thank you again (: x

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