Emotionless

Imagine a world without emotions. Imagine trying to get by your day-to-day routine without feelings. It’s hard isn’t it?

People say they don’t care about things, say they have no opinion, but everyone has an opinion on everything. Everyone has feelings, it’s just knowing how to control or restrict them.

I got told today that the tablets I’m on will stop me feeling anything. They said I won’t feel sad, but I won’t feel happy either. When I should be frustrated, I will just feel unbothered. This is a weird concept for me.

My actions are controlled by my feelings, not my thoughts. I do things based on what I feel rather than what is right, or socially acceptable. Taking feelings away from this is hard to understand for me.

While it will be hard at first, this I know, but in time I will just get used to it. I hope.

In some aspects I can’t wait for it to kick in.

A big issue with my feelings is when it involves guys. I’m no good at being friends with girls, never have been. I’ve always struggled to be open with other girls and still do now. I find it hard to trust them. But when it comes to guys I’m fine. I think it’s because I feel that they’re honest, that or they just don’t care and accept what I have to say and move on.

It’ll do me good to not have any feelings towards a guy. I will be the first to admit, along with thousands of other girls, that I always get attached to one guy, too quickly. That guy always ends up being a dick, but no matter what I’m attached.

These tablets have come at the right time for me in this case. I’m hoping that they will cut off any attachments I have with guys, and allow me to focus on my work.

I’m not one to care if someone likes me or not, but I am one to keep my friends.

The only worry I have is that due to my lack of feelings, I wont realise when I’m not being myself. When I step over the line, or become rude. Hopefully, just hopefully, those around me will realise it’s not me, and will accept my lack of feelings.

I can’t imagine being emotionless, but I’m about to experience it.

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. Mari says:

    I wish you luck! Whether or not it helps, it’s always tough to be on medication, because you feel like a totally different version of yourself! My prayers are with you (:

    1. Thank you! Yeah, just got to give it time and hope that it works and worth it in the long run. Thank you!

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